I Am Worthy.

For discipleship this week, I was talking about how I had been feeling so discouraged about myself. My discipler sweetly listened, then told me to pull out a sheet of paper because we were going to do an ABC chart. And so we did...

Activating Event	Belief System Uncovering the Lies…	Consequences (Result) “Leaves me feeling…”
-Large or active social gatherings	-We’re only effective if people (outwardly) recognize or appreciate you/what you’re doing	-Discouraged -Unworthy -Unwanted/Not Valued -Less Effective
	-Your worth is directly related to/demonstrated by the attention you get. I.e. if you get a lot of attention, you’re worth a lot. You’re a valuable human being.
	*by attention I mean: people look/smile at you when you walk in. People react to what you contribute in your conversation. People NOTICE you’re there, and encourage that.
	-“______ people are worthy of being loved.” à Very funny, fun, smart, clever, exciting, wise, sweet/kind people
	LIES ABOUT GOD: - He didn’t make everyone equally valuable. There’s a hierarchy of humans. [*See below.] We’re all equal in the fact that we’re humans and He loves us, but there are just different levels of appreciation/likeable-ness.
	-He has favorite people to be around. He loves us all equally, but He just likes some people’s company more because they’re more fun/interesting.
	-He has a performance-based appreciation of you. (But of course He still loves us all equally. However that works…)
	MY PERSONALLY BELIEVED LIES: -I’m not interesting enough to be paid more attention to than other people.
	-God didn’t make me funny/fun enough, it’s on me to be funnier/fun-er. So it’s still so much on us to be cool, interesting people. God gave us personalities and gifts, but they’re not enough. Often times you have to try harder to be more fun/funny, then you’ll be appreciated.
	-I’m not trusting God in the area of being appreciated and liked, both by Him and by others.
	-Life is found in what I do and how people approve or appreciate that

*Hierarchy of People:

		The Fun/Funny People
	The people who join in with the funny ones, and can be part of the story.
The Peasants who are here just to fill the rest of the space, who are the appreciators of the fun-ones.

*but of course, everyone is equal as humans and people, they just have different roles. And some roles are liked, and some roles are the likers.

I think these lies have always been here, but surfaced when I became sick. I grew up believing that what people did made them cool, like the stories they could tell and the jokes they could make. Being interesting, and therefore appreciated, was a tangible thing that you earned by doing interesting things that warranted appreciation.

I think a lot of this stemmed from my family. I don’t blame them at ALL, and I love them dearly! But, both my siblings (one older, one younger) are extremely fun and funny people. I grew up as the quiet child, definitely not known for being fun or funny. Because of how great they are, people have always loved them and really wanted to be around them. So, my heart translated that to if you’re really fun, people will like you and want to be around you. Now, me being less fun and outgoing, this was a huge struggle for me. I would only feel good/satisfied/appreciated leaving a social situation when I could tangibly tell people really liked having me there (by laughing at my jokes or messing around with me). But, when I didn’t contribute in these “meaningful” ways, and walked away having no one really notice, I felt awful.

Now, being sick, I actually physically can’t be outgoing or jumping around all the time. Therefore, watching others “earn” their appreciation from other people while I can’t do anything about it, made me feel seriously worthless. Sometimes I don’t even have the energy to participate in conversation (by saying a sentence here or there or something), which makes me feel even more expendable as a person.

The lie is that attention=your worth and appreciation, and it’s on my own shoulders to be interesting enough for other people, and ultimately God.

So, what’s the truth?

Colossians 3:3, “For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.”

à Christ is my life, my identity is in Him. That doesn’t make me less me, but actually makes me a more beautiful me, secure because I know that I am loved. How much does it change you when you live a day like you know you’re loved?? It changes SO much! No pressure, no having to prove yourself, and it frees you up to therefore express love more beautifully to others.

Mark 1:11, “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.”

            àBecause I am born again with God, I am hidden in Christ, and His righteousness is my own. I am made a co-heir with Christ, so I have the SAME standing as Him- a daughter of the King! Therefore, this verse is expressing what God sings over me (Zephaniah 3:17). He would just TEAR those Heavens apart and scream THIS IS ANNA, WORLD! I LOVE HER SOOOO MUCH, AND I COULD NOT BE MORE PLEASED WITH HER.” Not because of anything I’ve ever done, but simply because I am His daughter.

            

...!!!!!....????

Proverbs 31:30, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting. But a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

à What is praiseworthy? Not what the world says, in being charming or funny. But rather in my fear and love of Christ; who I am in Christ, and who He is in me.

How can I trust this? Jesus is probably the most appreciated human who ever lived. He seriously mattered. And it says in Isaiah 53:2, “He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.” Maybe even He wasn’t the most funny or exciting person around. But He is everything.

This is Truth. Satan has been feeding and growing these lies in me for years. Now bringing them into the light, I can allow the Truth to start to combat and change those lies. I can specifically fight at the root of these things. I don’t have to live always feeling just short of enough.

I am not the disappointment of my family because I’m not the most fun. I am not worthless because I’m not the most charming or funny. I am worth everything, only because the One who loves me is worth everything. Bless His Name.

A beautiful sunrise the other morning, (view from my window).

"He will take delight in you with gladness.
With His love, He will calm your fears. He will
rejoice over you with joyful songs."
~Zephaniah 3:17~