Dearest World,
I ask you not
to expect perfection from me; not to expect perfect godliness, wisdom, beauty, nor any
good thing from me. Because I can’t offer you that. Because I’m working hard at not
expecting things that can’t be true, and I’m wrestling hard with not expecting
perfection from myself.
And this is
challenging to me, a fight without rest, because this yearning for perfection is rooted in the very
foundation of my inmost being.
So please,
do not expect such things from me, because that does not help me fulfill them
any better, nor live in the way I was meant to. When either
you or I expect perfection in my life, I can’t walk in freedom but remain enslaved to impossible standards. For in Christ we have the freedom to fail and the promise of forgiveness.
Furthermore, do not be shocked when I hurt you or when I am wrong, because that makes me feel that I have
the ability to always be right. I myself will also work in not being surprised
by inevitable failures.
World – my family,
my friends, and strangers - I am nothing more than the least of all things. Do
not see me as more, for I will greatly disappoint you.
But rather, look to the One who is beautiful, perfect, and gracious. Delight
in gazing upon Him. For He will treat you as you want to be treated (in love).
I cannot do so.
Look to Him
to please and satisfy your desires. I cannot do so.
Look to Him
to encourage your heart and deepen your understanding. I cannot do so.
Do not
expect such things from me.
But sometimes, when I am abiding in
Christ, He reaches through me and loves you, pleases a desire, encourages you,
or deepens your understanding. If this happens, don’t dare glance at me then
either, for you should know better. It does not come from me, but rather from
the One who is capable of such beautiful things. Be wary not to attribute these actions to me, for you might be tricked into thinking they actually are from me. You may begin to lay expectations on me that
are much too high.
I am working on this readjustment
myself. In reality, this is perhaps more a letter to myself; a change I need to
foremost submit my own heart to. But I wanted to write to you as well, so we
are both under the same understanding.
Your Friend,
Anna
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