I ask you not to expect perfection from me; not to expect perfect godliness, wisdom, beauty, nor any good thing from me. Because I can’t offer you that. Because I’m working hard at not expecting things that can’t be true, and I’m wrestling hard with not expecting perfection from myself.
And this is challenging to me, a fight without rest, because this yearning for perfection is rooted in the very foundation of my inmost being.
So please, do not expect such things from me, because that does not help me fulfill them any better, nor live in the way I was meant to. When either you or I expect perfection in my life, I can’t walk in freedom but remain enslaved to impossible standards. For in Christ we have the freedom to fail and the promise of forgiveness.
Furthermore, do not be shocked when I hurt you or when I am wrong, because that makes me feel that I have the ability to always be right. I myself will also work in not being surprised by inevitable failures.
World – my family, my friends, and strangers - I am nothing more than the least of all things. Do not see me as more, for I will greatly disappoint you.
But rather, look to the One who is beautiful, perfect, and gracious. Delight in gazing upon Him. For He will treat you as you want to be treated (in love). I cannot do so.
Look to Him to please and satisfy your desires. I cannot do so.
Look to Him to encourage your heart and deepen your understanding. I cannot do so.
Do not expect such things from me.
But sometimes, when I am abiding in Christ, He reaches through me and loves you, pleases a desire, encourages you, or deepens your understanding. If this happens, don’t dare glance at me then either, for you should know better. It does not come from me, but rather from the One who is capable of such beautiful things. Be wary not to attribute these actions to me, for you might be tricked into thinking they actually are from me. You may begin to lay expectations on me that are much too high.
I am working on this readjustment myself. In reality, this is perhaps more a letter to myself; a change I need to foremost submit my own heart to. But I wanted to write to you as well, so we are both under the same understanding.