Week 1: DONE.
I’m not sure how to summarize or write about the first seven days of being on project. So... I’ll give it my best shot. *Note, this will just be a small glimpse- definitely can’t write everything!
|My Action Group: Bible Study/Roommates and Discipler!|
It’s been challenging already to be in a close community of 100 students you don’t know, yet at the same time, one of the coolest things ever.
At first it was completely overwhelming (often still is...), and for the first couple days I had no idea what was even happening haha. But things just kept moving, one after the other, with barely any time to process what was going on.
This is one of the most unique experiences I’ve ever had, and watching myself react to what is going on has been very interesting and insightful.
So, what have I been learning about myself?
1. Insecurities are rampant in my heart.
In an overwhelming community like this, any and all insecurities rise to the surface pretty quick. The comparison game becomes the most popular to play, and you immediately want - even need - everyone to think you’re GREAT and to love you. But since insecurities work destructively, I quickly deduct that I’m not enough; be it fun enough, funny enough, godly enough, kind enough, etc.
This can easily be Satan’s feeding ground, and his hold on me in this area is more obvious than ever. It’s awesome to be thrust into this situation and be forced to face each insecurity head on (and there's quite a list).
It’s cool how our project realizes this too. The first talk on our first morning was about God’s love for you and how that produces permanent and powerful assurance and affirmation. It was in this talk that I realized another thing about myself:
2. I rarely am intentional about truths.
I have heard the “God loves you” talk more times than I can remember, yet on none of those occasions had I beat it into my heart or seriously applied it to my life in the interest of changing anything. Sitting and hearing these truths again, I desperately wanted to be done solely hearing and aimed to start applying.
In my life, I haven’t been, yet need to be, an intentional learner. I am so blessed to hear truth, often multiples times a day, but so often I leave the truths where I heard them and continue walking in my own ways, ways that continue to leave me wanting and hurting. It's funny how we can be in pain, and hear the solution, and think "wow that's awesome! I want that!" and then walk away from it because it takes energy and effort to apply it to yourself and go through the healing process.
So, for this specific talk on love, I want(ed) to take the truths of God’s love and very seriously and intentionally dive into them, imagining a life lived in full assurance, and pursuing that. I am done surrendering to my insecurities and fear, a slave to a life of second-guessing and anxiety. I am intentionally pursuing a life lived abiding Christ’s love for me, and experiencing the freedom in that.
*Note: it is not an immediate change, but a conscious and constant battle.
This week is also themed “Setting the Pace” for both project- and life! So I’ve been processing what sort of permanent habits, or “rocks”, I want to create AND KEEP in my life. Some include:
|Quiet times at the Beach:)|
1. Read the Word to become unsatisfied. I feel like the less of God’s Word I read, the more satisfied I become with it. So I want to create a lifestyle of perseverance in reading and studying God’s Word so much that I become unsatisfied and am in a constant state of wanting to know it in greater depth.
2. Pray to know God. I want to live a life characterized by prayer. I feel like so much of my prayer life now is shallow and focused on MY life. So I want my focus in prayer to be to know and experience Christ, and be drawn into a deeper and deeper relationship with Him.
3. Be intentional in change, living to always grow. Never settling with my contentedness, but pursuing a life of learning and growing. (I touched on this above in working towards intentionally applying truths to my life.)
In project so far, I haven’t felt God shaking my life with ERUPTING convictions, but more so experiencing a quiet and constant growth. I’d like to build a foundation this summer of quiet and constant growth, one that will persist for the rest of my life- a foundation that is unshakeable, a place where the Lord can grow me into a strong woman.
|My Impact Group!|
So, these are just a few thoughts I’ve been challenged in, painting a little picture of what God has been doing in my life so far.
*OH, and as far as evangelism, I’ve gone out sharing on the boardwalk 3 times, and had solid experiences each time! The first two people I talked to professing Christians, but today I talked to two teenage girls who we shared the whole gospel with and who, you could tell, God had been preparing their hearts to hear truth. Praying for them tonight.