Prayer Ministry

Prayer has been amazing this last week.

After I had that revelation of prayer being my ministry, it seems to have erupted even more.

The next day after accepting that as my min, I had people walking into my room asking me to pray for this or that before they went out and I had people texting me throughout their day with all sorts of requests. It was incredible! I was consistently in prayer before the Throne that entire day (and the next few).

And, as a result, I have seen an even greater glimpse of the power of prayer and watched it re-shape my life and worldview. It has expanded my view of God (one of my own prayer requests/goals for this summer).

A few examples of how God has shown up:

-       Last Sunday I couldn’t go out to my friend-appointment. I had talked to this girl before though, so I knew where she was at. She was closed to the idea of God and was very firm in believing the big bang theory. I prayed that as my other teammates met with her that her walls would come down and God would give her an intrigue in learning who He was, that she would thirst for Him. When my teammates came back, they explained to me that she had expressed how interested she is in Christianity and how much she wants to read the Bible – in fact, she has it on her kindle already!! What!? Okay!

-       Another time last week, my teammate asked if I could pray for his ministry that day, that he would surrender control and let God move. He also asked if I would pray for his health (he felt pretty poor). I talked to Dad about it and later my friend came back and explained how amazing min had been that day and that he felt completely fine the entire day!!

-       My girl Abby here (a teammate) texted me while out at Starbucks one afternoon. She recognized a couple who had been there before, and the man was abusing the girl. Abby texted me to pray for them, though there wasn’t really anyway she could intervene. I spent time praying for them, and then prayed that somehow God would create an opportunity for Abby to be able to speak to the girl. (Though to be honest I definitely had doubt, and admitted that to the Lord, because when do you actually get to interact with those random people? The world just isn’t like that, usually.) In an amazing turn of events, the girl looked at Abby (Abby had prayed for that specific sign) 3 minutes before Abby had to leave. And she got to speak to the girl alone and express how she shouldn’t be treated like that, etc. It was amazing!

-       Friday my team was extremely discouraged by the fruitless ministry. People were irritated and upset. So as they went out that day, I prayed earnestly for the power of the H.S. to fill them and go before them. At one point I was standing on my bed, brandishing my water bottle, and intensely asking the Lord to change something – be it our attitudes, our perspective, or the reality of our min. I prayed that people would be able to share the entire package of the goods as and that one person would even PRC (pray to receive Christ) that day. After people came home, almost every single person got to share the goods, and one teammate talked to one man who didn’t PRC with him, but said he was going home to seriously consider all of this. For all I know, that man went home and had his life changed forever. (I’ll claim that one. Haha)

There have been more answered requests, but those are a few of my favorite ones throughout this week. It’s been incredible for me to see and experience this here.

I’ve never been SO prayer oriented, ever. I’ve had a heart for it, but never has it been my FOCUS in ministry. It’s changing everything! I woke up the other day and thought about going out that day. Immediately my heart was like, “Wait no!! You cannot go out without praying and spending your time with the Lord! Your ministry will be fruitless!” The fact that I had that intense of a reaction is evidence of how my view of life and God and min. is changing. 

In Colossians 3 it says to set your minds and hearts on things above. Whenever I’ve read that before, I’ve always thought about desires and hopes, and how we should always have our greatest desires be God and things that are eternal. But when I read that this week, I thought of how I need to set my mind and heart on God’s power.

I realized that usually when I pray, I expect God to always work within the rules and limits of this world. There are natural patterns and laws set in place here. I know these and I pray with regard to these. I pray with my mind and heart submitted to the powers of this world, not the powers of the world above. I’ve had to repeat to myself this past week that my God has power over death, my God raises from the dead, my God is above this world and this life. For some reason, it takes a lot for me to really see this. But in the way and the frequency with which He’s been answering my prayers this week, it has become way more clear to me who He is, and who I am.

I had a cool time learning more about John 2 this morning as I spent time with Dad and wanted to share that. (These are just my open thoughts.)

John 2:1-11:

“On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine.”

“Dear woman, why do you involve me?” Jesus replied. “My time has not yet come.”

His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”

Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons.

Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water”; so they filled them to the brim.

Then he told them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of banquet.”

They did so, and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside and said, “Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now.”

This, the first of his miraculous signs, Jesus performed at Cana in Galilee. He thus revealed his glory, and his disciples put their faith in him.”

The note in my study Bible says: “John probably was testifying that Christ’s saving mission would culminate in the redemption of the creation from all its distresses so that the wine of joy would flow fully, as the prophets had announced.”

First, I find it super cool that this is the first miracle Jesus did in his ministry, and this is the one of the first things (the first thing??) we’ll do as a complete body in Heaven – the wedding feast of the lamb.

In my QT (quiet time) this morning I saw how this passage proclaims and demonstrates Christ’s ministry on earth as well as points to the future Feast.

1. “...on the third day” - From what I can tell from my Text, this was the third day after he was baptized. That’s pretty sweet. (Probably has so much more meaning than I even have an idea of. haha)

2. “Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding” – I just think it’s sweet how just like this feast, at the next Feast it will be Jesus and all his disciples who are invited. J

3. “They have no more wine.” – This hit me today for our own work here in south Asia. (First, the wine – represents joy and life.) We recognize here in this city that the people are really lacking this ‘wine’.  We desperately want to bring it to them!! But I had to ask myself, am I acting like Mary who saw the lack, and went straight to Jesus and asked him to do something? She recognized him as the only one able to do something about it. [Note: to fail in hospitality in that culture was a serious offense.] Or do I see the lack and automatically assume that I can/should work in my own strength to bring wine to the party?

4. “Do whatever he tells you.”  - Furthermore, when I do ask Him to work, am I surrendered with enough faith to do what he then asks of me?

5. “…stone water jars” – I just found it a sweet analogy that we are also called jars in the Text (“jars of clay”, vessels, etc). Here He uses jars, in life He uses us… And à

6. “Fill the jars with water”; so they filled them to the brim.” – also interesting how it’s Jesus, and only Jesus, who can fill us with the ‘wine’ – true life and true joy. And when He does, we are filled to the brim, and even to overflowing.  But à

7. “Now draw some out and take it to the master of banquet.” – We are not given this life and joy to keep to ourselves. We are given it TO share! But the amazing thing is that this wine is free flowing and will never run out. So we should share! à

8. “Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now.”  - Our joy and this life is okay, but in life with God we really experience true, satisfying joy. Because of the gospel that has been poured into us by Jesus, we can experience a perfect, never-ending life with overflowing joy. Truly, the best is yet to come!

Revelation While Posting the Last Post...

[Intro: Like I said, I've been discouraged in my inability to DO m-work here. I feel like every time I go out, I'm hit with another physical issue that keeps me in bed twice as long as the last time, and is twice as serious. (Right now I'm afraid that due to my exhaustion levels my gut has temporarily(?) shut down. And for some unknown to me reason, my body cannot sleep when my gut shuts down. So now sleeping is off the table too.) I WOULD LOVE to fulfill my job (for which many people sacrificed to send me here to do)! Which is go out and take the goods. But I'm denied that again and again.]


But, in saying that, this thought popped into my head: My real ministry is prayer. 

And I think that might be what God is showing me here.

Isn’t our real ministry always prayer?

When do we ever do anything? We always need Him. We always need to “ask the God of the harvest.”

à Anna, would you be satisfied if God did everything, and you did nothing? ß

That’s the real question.

Ø  How much would that bother you? How much would YOU care what other people thought or how they perceived your work? How they analyzed your fruit? In that, how much would you really be caring about God?

Lay it down, Anna. Let God be the Lord of your life, which includes being the Lord of your harvest.

Nothing is to be Wasted

Okay, so I need to share about yesterday.

Yesterday, I woke up and felt awful.

[Side note: Sunday I spent the day bedridden with the most intense pain I have had in years. I had a migraine that felt like concrete walls were squeezing my head, this weird sensation that felt like electric currents were racing through my body, this pain in my hand that felt like someone was continuously pounding it with a hammer, pain in my back that felt like someone was hitting it with a metal pole, I was extremely nauseous (but couldn’t throw up), weak, etc. I was actually shaking and teared up multiple times because of the ceaseless pain (and I have a high pain tolerance). I was ready to ask someone to bring me to the ER. But, God intervened just in time.]

So, two days later was Tuesday, which was yesterday, which I’m talking about. Cool.

So, I woke up, still trying to recover from that terrible migraine. We were headed to the red light district to visit our NGO, so I really wanted to go. And I did. I was extremely weak and lightheaded and nauseous, but with an admittedly faltering confidence, I committed to the trip as I stepped on the train.

I was praying moment by moment that I wouldn’t throw up on the train, that I wouldn’t fall down the stairs, that I could keep breathing, and stay conscious. I was also praying (and have been this whole time) that God would yet use me amidst all this mess that is my physical body.

Crazily enough, I have not had a day here where I felt SO joy-filled and elated and loving as I did yesterday. (The paradox of walking with Jesus.)

Anyway, I saw Dad’s answer my prayers in each step that day, and I want to share those real quick:

1.     This south Asian girl sat real close to me on the train. For no conscious reason of mine, I struck up a conversation. She told me that she was experiencing pain (hah, ditto my friend). I had this nagging feeling to say something about the Great Physician, so I turned to her and said, “sometimes when I’m in pain I like to pray to God to help me -” I was about to ask if I could pray over her, but she immediately changed the subject. Alas, I was able to care for her and chat with her and speak about God. I was encouraged in heart!

2.     We got off the train and straight into rickshaws. I was in this with a staff man from the NGO we were about to visit. Never meeting him before, I asked about his spiritual background. He told me ALL about his recent struggle in walking with the Lord. I got to use that ride (where he cannot escape) to whip out my Text and share some Words to combat specific lies in his belief system, as well as pray over him. [Note: I did not want to get in the rickshaw with him. I desperately wanted to go with someone I knew so that I could comfortably ride in silence and focus on not falling out of the rickshaw. Dad had other plans and led me to *volunteer* to ride with him.]

3.     At the NGO, as soon as we arrived, the CUTEST kids came bounding in! They made me both thrilled as well as discouraged, because I knew that I had no energy to offer myself to play with them. As my team became immediately fond and taken with them, I found myself alone – desperately wishing I could have been in a different situation (where I was stronger). WHEN, all of the sudden, another teammate came over to me and opened up about all she was struggling with being in the red light district. Not enveloped in the kids, I was available to listen and talk with her about her heart and Dad’s heart. It was the sweetest time.

4.     THEN (I’m telling you, Dad took me step by step through this day) we went out into the brothels. (Not in the rooms, but into the hub where all the women were sitting outside their own brothels.) As we were walking, my leaders stopped to talk with one woman in particular. They asked if we could pray over her. She eagerly said yes, in which my leaders looked to my two teammates and me and said, “pray for her”. The other two girls were super nervous and overwhelmed with what was going on, but I had peace and gladly stepped forward. So, bending down to her, I placed my hands on her knees, bowed my head, and I – some rando daughter of God from the USofA – got to pray in power over this woman and ask the Lord to minister to her and rain down His love over her. WOW. After, we continued walking and praying and sharing the love we’ve experienced with Dad with the women there. What an honor.

In short: God honors faith. When you step out in faith, you give Him the space to show up and work mighty things in and through you.

And He wastes nothing.

John 6:12, “Let nothing be wasted” (Jesus speaking).

He will not waste today, not any day, not any person, not any thought, not any intention, not any prayer. Live with great expectation. I think often that God is altogether like me, when in reality, He could not be any greater than me (Ps. 50:21). He is infinite – not bound by space or time (or my physical limitations and frequent lack of faith). View Him like that (Anna), pray accordingly, and watch with eager expectation. He is GOD.

I need to stop imposing my agenda on God, or even my idea of what God’s agenda is on God. Just step back and let Him be who He is.

Honestly, I’m still struggling at times to see what my importance and skill is here. I’ve uncovered the lie that I believe my worth = my function/my fulfillment of my duties. And how much I’m loved = how well I’m doing at fulfilling my duties.

Not true. That’s not what love is, and that’s not who God is.

So, I am and will continue to meditate on the truth that nothing is wasted. Not even me. J

The Water boy

I’ve been really struggling to decipher what my role is going to be on this work trip.

I went out to do EV yesterday, had to leave early, came back, and felt like death. I was running on about 15% of myself/my energy. It knocked me out for the rest of that day, and the next one.

Thinking about going out and doing this again makes me scared, to be completely honest. Last week, going around town with my team was okay because I didn’t have to make conversation. I could focus on breathing, putting one foot in front of the next, and not passing out.

But in EV, I’m now expected to go out, strike up conversation, maintain conversation, be very sociable, get contacts, try to incorporate the goods, and then pursue them hard core in the next weeks. Facing that, I already feel defeated.

I don’t have the capacity to do this. I could push really hard, but is that really what Dad wants? I know He wants us to give all we have and push hard, and min. is hard work, but I don’t know if it is glorifying to push myself that hard. I feel that God is glorified in my life when I’m able to live life, not when I’m struggling to survive each day. There is wisdom in rest and yielding to limitations.

In the company, we’ve defined success by saying it’s “stepping out in faith and taking the initiative in the power of the HS and leaving the results up to God.”

…But, what if you don’t even have the capacity to step out?

Today I didn’t. I had to stay in my room all day, I could barely get out of bed. Initially I felt guilty. I came here for one reason, to do one job – EV. How can I get here and NOT do that?! I do not want to hinder my team, disappoint Dad, or not “do enough” (dangerous words, I know).

In speaking with my brother, I was encouraged to view success more so in the measure of faithfulness and stewardship. With how I serve here, would I be confident in standing before the Bema seat of Christ, able to say that I did all that I could, with all wisdom and all effort, to use what He’d given me to bring Him the greatest glory possible through my life?

I was explaining all of these thoughts to my disc-er on the train, and I was in the middle of expressing how I had no idea how I could do m-work here when this local girl next to me taps me on the shoulder and immediately strikes up a conversation. We got into this huge, sincere conversation about life and it ended with us swapping contact info, and her asking if we could meet up and hang out. …OK, Dad!

I was silenced in my questions and reminded that Dad is going to use me how He wants to use me, where and when He plans. He is going to take my personal weakness and strategically place me in order to be glorified through them. All I need to do is faithfully respond and obey. Amen.

As far as how I expect to serve here daily, I’m still chatting with Dad about it.

Today, I felt like the Water boy of the Team. I may not go on the field often, I may not run the big plays or carry the ball across the line, but I for sure am cheering on my team with all that I have.  I’m chatting with Coach while they’re on the field. And when they come back, I am there with the water and words of encouragement. I’ll substitute when they need me or when I can jump in. When Coach needs me for something specific.

This is a team effort. I may not be the quarterback of Dad’s Squad, but I for sure am going to give everything I am for the Victory in any position I’m given. If Coach has placed me by His side for the next 5 weeks instead of on the front lines, I will be the best water boy you could ever ask for.

The Vision, My Mission

I am going into battle,
the point not to return.
I am going into battle,
deep surrender I must learn.

I will struggle
to the point of blood,
and with a happy heart I go.
For my Savior fought in love,
though the cross before Him,
He did know.

"Lay down your rights" we say,
but a soldier himself,
he must lay.
For He gives self, pleasure,
and fear away
in sacrifice
for a bigger Day.

Keep steady gaze
on that Day.
One foot here,
one stepping ever near
to the Kingdom for which you die,
to be welcomed by
the Most High.

"Welcome him in joy,
and honor men like him -
who risked his life for Me,
though He could never fully see
My glory
and all that he will be."

March on through pain, and march till death -
if only I will be
in Heaven with my Savior
for all eternity.